The Pot Stirrer: Musings on the Edible: Manic

I have many interests. Ask anyone who knows me well. I'm not that artist who is oober passionate about one thing and excels at it. I am that oober creative person who - tries, experiments with and has many - creative outlets. These include such things as photography, interior decorating and design, crafts, sewing, fashion, hair and makeup, fitness, nutrition, food, sustainability, environmental stuff, DIY projects and music. I kind of move around between all of them.

I played the piano almost every day for a very long time, wrote a whole bunch of songs and even performed some of them and then one day just stopped. I've hardly done this for months now. Except for the random time here and there. I've done this with many things many times. It's allowed me to try a lot of different things and gain skills in multiple areas. I'm learning to roll with it.

Anyways, I've been thinking about this blog, what it has been so far, what I want it to eventually be, and what needs to change etc... and I've decided I want to start blogging about all of my interests. Not just food. This way, I won't feel pressured to always be cooking awesome things or exploring this all the time (which I pretty much stopped doing for a good long while). It will allow me to always have material for my blog of varying topics which will help to keep me focused, not bore me (or you) and require me to be creative everyday. It gives me a reason and a motivation to explore all of my interests and enhance my knowledge and skill in each area. Which I really need to do.

I've been having a hard time for some time now just feeling happy and dealing with my own insecurities, emotional stress and confusion (which I realize I'm not alone in). I've been working on it and I recently told my Mom that I sometimes feel manic. She replied by saying that all creative people are slightly manic. Hahaha! It was the perfect thing to hear at that moment. It hit me. I'm not crazy, I'm not depressed, I'm not mentally ill or unstable. Yes, I have some weak areas I need to work on like everyone else but my difficulties are simply a natural by-product of an intensely creative person whose creativity and passion has been starved for some time.

The answer is quite simple. I am a person who needs to be, to move, to do, to create. A LOT. Working at jobs that have not fulfilled me to make ends meet, losing jobs, looking for jobs, constant stress about finances, moving (which I've done 6 or 7 times in less than 2 years), being in survival mode, concerns about family members, adjusting to a new stage of life (being married), being separated from my husband etc.... In short: change after change after change in a very short period of time has been very taxing on my body and my spirit. I didn't take great care of my health according to my standards, I didn't do much creatively and felt I had to focus solely on survival. I've learned a ton from this and my Heavenly Father has carried me through. Did I manage it perfectly? No. Did I do everything wrong? No! Some of how I handled it was great and some of it wasn't. Sounds like life doesn't it? I've learned more about who I want to be. Good and wonderful things came into my life during this time. I learned more about my limits, more about myself, more about who I really am. I weakened in some areas and strengthened in others. I drew closer to my husband but it wasn't a smooth transition. It's not over yet but now that I have this chance to be still for a while before I plunge myself into the next stage, I am doing a lot of reflecting. I feel like something that finally stopped running after being chased for miles by huge waves of the ocean. They are washing over me.

I'm finding it very painful, awkward and emotional. Like peeling off a band aid (only more wet ;). But probably necessary in His plan. So, I move through it. I'm glad to know and be reminded that the atonement of Jesus Christ works and because of that I don't have to move through it like a well schooled ballet dancer. I can be an awkward dancer. All I have to do is move and that is enough. Enough for Him to work with. He will make my movement look like a perfect and beautiful ballet. If I let Him.

So! Part of this movement will be to blog almost everyday for as long as I feel necessary. Or until I change tracks again. Haha. I'm looking at it as creative expression and something necessary for my soul and my sanity right now. I'm going to finish this post and do another one on scarves in your hair! I'll tell you why in that post :) Thanks for reading. It felt good to share that. I hope it soothed a soul, validated someone and inspired someone. If you struggle with similar things here are a couple things I suggest:

1. Read and study your scriptures everyday no matter what.